Sunday, November 18, 2012

why are pigs pink?

Tis little pig has obviously been eating too much shrimp. The pigment of his skin is a dark pink, which signifies that if he continues his diet of Bubba Gump, he will become obese. This piggie grew up eating shrimp all his life. His pig brethren tell him to stop, but his slightly pointed ears will not listen. Ever heard the term "when pigs fly"? Not for him.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

survival of the fittest

These shoes look good for the snow, so when Mr. Scraggy tries to make a snowball, his hands won't hurt as much.
These kinds of dogs are meant for running super fast, but he can't run in deep snow, because his toothpick legs will pierce right through it. Plus, he is not a furry dog, so if he starts to sink, he won't have enough fur to shed to save him. Look at this:

Does it look like Bobby can sink to you? I do not think so. This is why Mr. Scraggy needs specialized shoes to cover his pointy feet, but if you're like Bobby, you don't need nothin because your fur will immediately dispatch and clog the entire ocean.

Moomoomilk is wearing a dress today. As you can see, he is wear snug socks on his hands and feet, and he is wearing a sock and his tail, too. He installed earmuffs just above his ears, so when it gets cold, they will automatically descend and save him.

Eleanor Rigby got her ears pierced today, and she did liposuction. She went to the tanning booth to make  herself look hot. She forgot to put her mascara on, but she remembered her eyeliner. Finally, she dotted her socks in a church where there was nobody there.

Mandy was bullied in high school because she was ugly (obviously). Mandy also bullied others because she was ugly (obviously). Now, she looks cool (obvi). Her eyes are red because she has high blood pressure. I don't think any of her friends would recognize her. She loves waxing, and she didn't forget to pull her whiskers off, either. However, she let fur on her head grow so she won't be bald like Scraggy. She used purple eyeliner just above her eyes and a brown marker for her eyebrows. Everyone who sees Mandy gets blind. Because she is so pretty. And they get jealous of her wrinkles because that shows her maturity. 

Gadzooks is cool. Gadzooks comes from that dark alley that everyone is scared of. Also, he is mafia. He lives in the basement of a casino and punches people for counting cards. And stealing money. Gadzooks likes to do his hair, too. He uses a cast iron skillet to straighten his hair and to make it cool as you can see. Gadzooks got even more creative with it by wrapping it around his neck to make it look like a necklace. Also, if you didn't notice, he is trying to grow a beard just behind his mouth. I think he does this to make his face look bigger and more muscular. Gadzooks thinks it's working.  

Saturday, May 19, 2012

survival mode

I came across an article that speaks of resorts in which you sleep outside. What is the point then???  
Look at this one:

Ahhhhhh. Looks fine, doesn't it? Africa is great! You just have to watch out for the crazy Ethiopian hiding in the bushes. Also, you should lie down on the bed and defend yourself from the ugly skinny cat in your sleep. How about this one:

I like this one because here you have the opportunity to meet Grizzly.

He is sleeping. I think he is faking it just to aggravate you. When a guest arrives at this "resort," Grizzly will wake up and walk up to the "room", and he will throw a party. And then he won't leave until he's full. I think he deserves to stay anyway. Look at his right hand! It's so skinny! You cannot expect Grizzly to hibernate until he has more chub. That is why he is sleeping on top of the log instead of inside. When he is fat, he will go inside, and he will get stuck, and he won't come out until the fat burns. If a smart guest checks in, he would throw a bunch of lard into the log after Grizzly get stuck inside because then when he is bored, he will eat, and he will stay fat. That's what I would do because fat is how I like my Grizzly. No less.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

how full you are scale

1. Anorexia: you are so hungry that you can't  eat
2. Eating enough to satiate a toothpick
3. Hungry
4. You are OK, but you just want to eat because you're bored
5. Normal
6. Full
7. Instant double chin (immediate reaction)
8. Love handles on the spot
9. Cannot breathe
10. Detonation

Sunday, March 25, 2012

may i have some?

I'm not really a fan of black and white movies, but Roman Holiday with Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck is an exception, and I never get tired of watching it. Watch this clip.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

on the desk

This is just a visual synopsis of another day in calculus. Test today.

Monday, March 19, 2012

you save 100%.

ONE CENT!? What happened to 29 smackers? That is crazy. How about I order 100? That will be one dollar. Seriously. And the sellers are rated pretty well, so ya. It costs $30 for 3,000 products! Lets buy it for the whole school! YAY! Class disruptions! However, there is a catch... shipping and handling is not included!! OH NO!!!!!!!!!! The shipping and handling for 3,000 products would be $15,000. Oh well, I still like staring at the $0.01.